What is not love

In the process of learning, knowing what something is, it’s also important to know what it isn’t. In this article, we present the LOVE paradigm proposed by Mr. Andy Figueroa (2010).

FIRST POINT, CASUISTIC

CASE 1: Do you think you are in love because when you see that person your hands sweat, your heart is pounding, and you don’t know what to say?

– THAT’S NOT LOVE (FROM YOU TO THEM), THAT’S NERVOUSNESS.

Unless, as a result of your knowledge, you know that “the person who is the object of your love, likes or wants your hands to sweat, your heart to pound and don’t know what to say; and that’s what you give them. ” Which would not be a healthy love relationship.

CASE 2: Do you think you are in love because only by being next to that person you feel calm?

– THAT’S NOT LOVE (FROM YOU TO THEM), THAT’S INSECURITY

Unless, as a result of your knowledge, you know that “the person who is the object of your love, likes that by being next to them you feel calm; and that’s what you give them. ” Which would not be a healthy love relationship.

CASE 3: Do you think they are in love with you because of the way they smile at you, looks at you and makes you understand that they like you?

– THAT’S NOT LOVE (FROM THEM TO YOU), THAT’S FLIRTING

Unless, as a result of the knowledge they have of you, “they smile at you, looks at you and makes you understand that they like you.” Which would not be a healthy love relationship.

CASE 4: Do you think you´re in love because you have equal tastes, want the same things and think similar?

– THAT’S NOT LOVE (FROM YOU TO THEM), THAT IS CASUALITY OR MATCH

Unless, as a result of your knowledge of “the person who is the object of your love, wants you to have equal tastes, want the same things and think similar to them; and that’s what you give them. ” Which would not be a healthy love relationship.

CASE 5: Do you think you’re in love because you simply cannot take your eyes or hands off of them?

– THAT’S NOT LOVE (FROM YOU TO THEM), THAT’S DESIRE OR LUJURY

Unless, as a result of your knowledge, you know that “the person who is the object of your love, wants or likes for you to not to take your eyes or hands off of them; and that’s what you give them. ” Which would not be a healthy love relationship.

CASE 6: Do you think you’re in love because when they’re not with you, you don’t know what to do?

– THAT’S NOT LOVE (FROM YOU TO THEM), THAT’S BOREDOM

Unless, as a result of your knowledge, you know that “the person who is the object of your love, wants or likes that when you are not with them, you don’t know what to do; and that’s what you give them. ” Which would not be a healthy love relationship.

CASE 7: Do you think you are in love because this person has a great time with you?

– THAT’S NOT LOVE (FROM YOU TO THEM), THAT’S FRIENDSHIP

Unless, as a result of your knowledge, you know that “the person who is the object of your love, wants or likes to have a great time with you; and that’s what you give them. “

CASE 8: Do you think you are in love because you think that person is perfect?

– THAT’S NOT LOVE (FROM YOU TO THEM), THAT’S IMAGINATION

Unless, as a result of your knowledge, you know that “the person who is the object of your love, wants or likes you to think they are perfect; and that’s what you give them. ” Which would not be a healthy love relationship.

CASE 9: Do you think you are in love because you like being with that person because they listen to you, understand you and advise you?

– THAT’S NOT LOVE (FROM YOU TO THEM), THAT IS TRUST

Unless, as a result of your knowledge, you know that “the person who is the object of your love, wants you to like them to listen to you, understand you and advise you; and that’s what you give them. ” Which would not be a healthy love relationship.

CASE 10: Do you think you are in love because you like the way they act, think and live?

– THAT IS NOT LOVE (FROM YOU TO THEM), THAT IS ADMIRATION

Unless, as a result of your knowledge, you know that “the person who is the object of your love, wants you to like the way they act, think and live; and that’s what you give them. “

CASE 11: Do you think you are in love because you feel that you’re nothing without that person?

– THAT’S NOT LOVE (FROM YOU TO THEM), THAT’S LOW SELF-ESTEEM

Unless, as a result of your knowledge, you know that “the person who is the object of your love, wants or likes you to feel that without that person you’re nothing; and that’s what you give them. ” Which would not be a healthy love relationship.

CASE 12: Do you think you are in love because you feel that you look great with that person?

– THAT’S NOT LOVE (FROM YOU TO THEM), THAT’S LUCK

Unless, as a result of your knowledge, you know that “the person who is the object of your love, wants or likes you to feel that you look very well with that person; and that’s what you give them. ” Which would not be a healthy love relationship.

CASE 13: Do you think you’re in love because you can’t help smiling when you think of that person and their presence brightens your day?

– THAT’S NOT LOVE (FROM YOU TO THEM), THAT’S LIKING

Unless, as a result of your knowledge, you know that “the person who is the object of your love, wants or likes that you cannot avoid smiling when you think of that person and their presence brightens your day; and that’s what you give them. ” Which would not be a healthy love relationship.

CASE 14: Do you think you are in love because you do not end the relationship so that they won’t cry, won’t be alone or to not hurt them?

– THAT’S NOT LOVE (FROM YOU TO THEM), THAT’S PITY

Unless, as a result of your knowledge, you know “the person who is the object of your love, wants or likes that you do not end the relationship with them so that they won’t cry, won’t be alone or to not hurt them; and that’s what you give them. ” Which would not be a healthy love relationship.

CASE 15: Do you think you are in love because you feel that you are willing to give all your material belongings to them?

– THAT’S NOT LOVE (FROM YOU TO THEM), THAT’S AN ARRRANGEMENT

Unless, as a result of your knowledge, you know that “the person who is the object of your love, wants or likes to feel that you are willing to give all your material belongings to them; and that’s what you give them. ” Which would not be a healthy love relationship

SECOND POINT, CONCEPTIONS AND WRONG THEORIES

It is not a feeling; imagine a parent who wants every day in their heart the best for their children; but, they don’t give them food or shelter, even if they see them in need.

It is not an emotion; imagine a parent who has a smile from ear to ear, dancing and singing; But, they don’t care that their children don’t have clean clothes to wear or if they know that their children are sick, they don’t do anything to treat them.

It is not a thought; imagine that a boy sees his partner who is about to fall into a ravine, but doesn’t say or do anything to prevent it, he just thinks that nothing will happen them, thinks that they will realize, thinks that something will stop them or that they will be fine.

It is not simply sharing or giving, because you can give a friend a fun conversation or invite them on a walk to an extraordinary place, but this person mourns because a loved one has died or is very busy because they are deciding something important in their life, so it will not be with pleasure or benefit.

Love has also been conceptualized with a certain typology: Sternberg R; Fromm E; Russel J; Alan J; Lomas T; among many other authors, across many cultures: romantic love, filial love, fatuous love, agape love, family love, ludus love, compassionate love, self love, fraternal love, maternal love, erotic love, spiritual love. The truth is that all these types appear according to the degree, level and subject or recipient of your love; and according to Figueroa’s proposal of healthy love, it doesn’t make much sense to make a typology because it is undefined (according to the indicated variables we could make from 500 to 1000 different types of love) and it doesn’t help the understanding of love.

THIRD POINT, WRONG LOGIC

It is also a logical and psychological mistake to define love with a tautology; for example: love is everything, love is infinite, love is being happy, love is sharing, love is surrender, love is when you love, love is decision, love is emotion, love is fullness, love is service, love is God, love is energy, love is sacrifice, love is admiring, love is appreciation, etc.

SOURCE: LO BUENO (Figueroa, 2018)

Like, want and Love

Inclination: A tendency to a particular aspect, state, character, or action. This means; that if we are under the sun, we sweat; if we drink alcohol, we become dehydrated, get drunk and so on; if a lot of light appears in front of our eyes, we close them; if it’s very cold and we are not dressed properly, we shiver; among other cases.

Like: A person’s tendency to like or be interested in something. This means; that if a person is in front of a glass with water, another glass with fruit juice, another glass with soda and another glass with an alcoholic beverage (wine or beer); each of these 4 elements will cause different conditions and the person will have different inclinations to these 4 elements; that is to say, you will like more one or more of the 4 liquids. Product of your biological condition, psychological experience, idiosyncrasy, cultural context, etc.

Want: To wish for a particular thing or plan of action. Wanting is like asking. That means, if a child says: “Dad, I want a loaf,” it’s like he is asking for a loaf, because he expects his dad to give him a loaf; similarly, when a father tells his son: “Son, I want you to have passing grades” is as if he were asking for passing grades, because the father expects to receive passing grades from his son; or like when a girl tells her partner “I want a kiss” is like asking for a kiss, because the girl waits or wants to receive a kiss.

To love: Well, this proposal says: “to love is to give something good …” (good according to the person subject of love).

With the knowledge of like, want and love, now you can choose to act with judgment and awareness in a healthier, more profitable and happy way in your life. As you may have noticed, like, want and love are complementary, different and necessary; to only do or use can trigger a pathology, it is convenient to find a balance between giving and receiving, between choosing what we like and what we don’t; and always seek good, to us and others.

SOURCE: LO BUENO (Figueroa, 2018)

A PROPOSAL HEALTHY OF “LOVE”

A PROPOSAL OF HEALTHY “LOVE”

This article is based on the book “Das Bien” by Mr. Andy Figueroa and the course “Love is also learned” that has been developed for 10 years.

POINT 1: Why it’s important to know what love is?

Imagine that a desperate man gives you all the money he has, with a note on a piece of paper and asks you to hurry and buy it, he tells you that his life depends on it. After moving away from the man and trying to read the paper, you see written: 1,2,3-Trinitroxypropane. Now you have a problem: you don’t know what language it’s written in, you don’t know what it is, or where to buy it. Most likely, you are wrong to buy something that you do not know anything about and consequently the man will lose his life.

Often when we act ignoring or wrongly knowing, this leads us to destruction or suffering; for example: eating VS feeding, being a father VS being a parent, having sex VS making love, friends VS acquaintances, etc.

POINT 2: Love is also learned

Like everything in becoming an adult, you learn. What we know constructively or destructively are things learned, consequently a “healthy love” model is also possible to learn.

It’s necessary to know first, to bring that knowledge to consciousness in the present, to make, be and live better.

POINT 3: A proposal of healthy love.

There are hundreds of approaches and proposals for conceptions of love from literature, philosophy, religion, cultures, science and others. These have been incomplete, wrong, misapplied or not well processed.

We often confuse love with wanting (asking for something for yourself) or taste (psychological inclination for something), this is because of ignorance or wrong knowledge.

Now let’s talk about this new proposal: “to love is to give something good …” (good according to the person subject of love).

For example, if you give a medicine to raise pressure to a person who has a very high blood pressure as a health problem, you may kill them. But if you give a medicine to raise pressure to a person who has low blood pressure as a health problem, it may save their life. That is why you should consider what the person needs and act accordingly.

Here are some examples that are familiar to us:

– When we are sick and our parents stay awake to verify that we improve or that our condition does not worsen.

– When a family member notices that we’re hungry and proceeds to tells us they’re not hungry and gives us all the food, even though they are also hungry.

– When a family member donates part of a liver or kidney to continue living.

Love, is an action, “give”, is a verb with particular qualities (give something good, according to the other). It’s not a feeling, or a thought, an emotion, a desire, a taste, a choice, giving everything, etc.

According to this proposal, the elements of love are as follows:

1. Issuer: the one who loves or performs the action of love.

2. Receiver: objective and subject of love, expressing what they like, what they want and what does them good.

3. Action and / or activity: “what is given” is an intentional action and / or activity, sent or performed by the issuer and received by the receiver.

4. Situation: This is the psychological, social, physical and philosophical characteristics that surround the sender and the receiver and that condition the expression of love.

MOMENTS OF THE AMATORY ACT:

Love is a process that has 3 moments:

SUBJECTIVE: the issuer investigates, finds out, tries to know what is good for the receiver, according to the inner world of the receiver.

INTENTION: the issuer intentionally “gives something good (depending on the receiver)” to the receiver

FEEDBACK: The issuer is given a feedback or makes sure that the receiver received something good

GRADES AND LEVELS OF LOVE:

Love has degrees (the frequency or number of times we receive an action of love) and levels (the complexity of it, from the concrete to the abstract, from the ephemeral to the lasting)

Examples:

– When our parents fed us when we were children, they had to feed us 365 times in a year (it’s high grade, because it’s very frequent and a basic level, because what we receive is concrete)

– When our parents sit down to talk about the love they have for us, or about what it means with us before we go to live in another city (it’s low grade, because it rarely happens and high level, because it’s psychological and spiritual what we receive)

– When a family member donates a kidney or part of his liver so we can remain alive (it’s low grade, because they only do it once and high level, because they are giving us part of their life)

POINT 4: Beyond love

Love is necessary and fundamental for a healthy and balanced life, for a person, a society and for the world in general; and it’s also true that love is not everything, it’s also necessary to want, like, among other things for a general well-being. For example, when we are children we require special attention to live and build ourselves as people (we want food, we want heat, we want protection) and this is normal.

SOURCE: LO BUENO (Figueroa, 2018)

Recognition of the newspaper “El Peruano” for PCUA

Recognition of the newspaper “El Peruano” is the official newspaper of the Republic of Peru, through the report of Pamela Portillo on the work that comes in the Pontifical Catholic University of America with a series of important Peruvian institutions spreading the Quechua language and its wonderful culture in Peru and in the World (page 6 Teachers with a Quechua heart) Diario El Peruano 09/28/2018.

Student Makes Awkward Attempt to Apologize for Hilarious Email Mistake Sent to Professor

We’ve all been there, literally grasping at the computer screen after sending an email that shouldn’t have been sent out, as if we could physically pull it back into our drafts folder.

Sometimes, it’s to that person we’ve been thinking about after listening to too much Drake (always a big mistake) and we send them that message that was definitely better left unsaid and unread.

Other times, it’s that super unprofessional, not-thoroughly-proofread-assignment to a college professor who holds the outcome of your academic career in the palms of their hands.

Unfortunately for Zoey Oxley, it was the latter and she accidentally submitted a paper through Turnitin with a very inappropriate filler name for her professor whose last name she couldn’t remember.

The thing about using fillers and placeholders is that you have to be conscientious enough to actually go back and change them when you’re done doing the other work. Zoey wasn’t.

Thankfully for us, she screenshot and uploaded the “series of unfortunate events” to her Twitter account so the rest of the internet could relish in her personal embarrassment and misfortune.

It all starts off innocuously enough – if you’ve ever used Blackboard or submitted work for a college course online before, then you’ll realize that nothing is out of the ordinary here.

That is, however, until Zoey clicks on the assignment, that’s when we realize the work she just uploaded via Turnitin actually includes a grave error.

Now either Zoey is going to a very, very interesting school with a colorful staff, or she just made one of the biggest rookie student mistakes ever: not proofreading her work before submitting it.

Because she passed the deadline for submitting her assignment, she couldn’t upload another draft, which meant that she had to go the old-fashioned email apology route and explain, awkwardly, how she messed up so badly.

Notice how in the email she didn’t mention precisely what the error was and that her default “placeholder” name is “whats his nuts”. It was obviously the pro move on Zoey’s part, I mean why would you call attention to that unnecessarily?

If you’re wondering how her professor, whose last name is Hendel by the way, responded, well, just take a look at this tweet he sent out commenting on the entire incident.

Thankfully for Zoey, Professor Whats his Nuts seems to be taking the whole thing in stride. He even changed his Twitter profile name to the filler moniker she came up with for him.

The story’s receiving tons of attention as well, with Hendel’s tweet about the whole thing racking up over 52k retweets and 344k likes. Not bad for a Blackboard error.

If Zoey’s still feeling embarrassed though, she can console herself with the fact that she’s not the first (and certainly not the last) student who mistakenly emailed her professor something stupid.

Like this one student who thought it’d be a good idea to email her professor after getting her wisdom teeth removed and being goofed up on the painkillers she was prescribed to deal with the nasty oral-ouchey after-effects.

Her professor, thankfully, took it easy on her and responded in a pretty cool manner, and correctly assumed that the email was sent post-ingestion of said wisdom teeth medication.

Then there was Alex Bennett who, instead of submitting his homework, accidentally turned in a photo this cat making what is quite possibly the weirdest face in all of cat history.

Even though our friend was understandably freaking out after accidentally submitting the photo of that grimacing cat instead of his homework, it ultimately ended up working in his favor.

Turns out that Alex’s little meme-pic made his professor’s day and not only did he get to turn in his assignment, but he got a perfect score on it and his teacher is now looking for a cat that makes weird faces like that for her own home. She has to settle for keeping it as her wallpaper right now, though.

Have you ever had an embarrassing moment with a college professor? One time I carefully walked into their office during “open hours” when their door was slightly ajar. They were taking what looked like a fat hit from a bong and I quickly walked out of there, so I kind of know what these students went through.

SOURCE AND PHOTO: DISTRACTIFY.COM